Off the rack
by Mikiya2200
Summary: What can I say, I don't break easy." - "Oh yes, you do. You just gotta know where to apply the right pressure." HA-Tag as to where Alistair might have applied said pressure.


**Author's notes:** Well, what can I say. Strange fic, my thoughts about how Alistair would be able to break Dean. Inspired by Uriel in "Hell's Angels" (_"What can I say, I don't break easy." - "Oh yes, you do. You just gotta know where to apply the right pressure."_). HA-Tag as to where Alistair could have applied said pressure.

**On the format: **I admit this is not an easy-to-read-text, it took me quite some time to figure out how to format it to get it to work. And then FF came, took away all the format I had just worked out and spat it out just like you see it below. I sincerely hope that it is still readable and that you will be able to follow the train of thoughts/memories/whatever. To make matters easier (I hope): Everything you read is Dean's POV and this scene covers the dialogue of the last scene of "Hell's Angels", so if I misunderstood anything Dean or Sam have said then... well, I blame it on their incredible acting in that scene.

Let me know what you think about it.

**Disclaimer: **Thank God I don't own these guys, nor the impala for that matter, because I would be even more distracted from my studies if I did and I don't have a driver's licence.

To Ko-Chan. Thanks a lot for being so patient with me.

**__________________________________________**

**Off the rack**

**__________________________________________  
**

_Anna's gone. _

"I can't believe we made it out of there."

_Do I miss her?__ I don't know._

"Again."

"I know you heard him."

_I can do this. I have to._

"Who?"

_If I close my eyes I can still hear her voice._

"Alistair.

'_You have people that want to help, you're not alone.'_

What he said.

_She was right, I was alone then__… _

About how I had promise."

…_but __I'm not alone now._

"I heard him."

"You're not curious?"

_Not alone. __Not anymore._

"Dean, I'm damn curious, but… you're not talking about hell and I'm not pushing."

_I just forget that sometimes._

"It wasn't four months, you know."

_Fourteenthousandsixhundred__ days…_

"What?"

"It was four months up here, but down there…

_Fourhundred__andeight months. I did the maths when I couldn't sleep. Was it yesterday?_

I don't know, time's different.

_The day before?_

It was more like 40 years."

_I don't remember. I don't __**want**__ to._

"My god…"

'_Time flies when you're having fun.' _

"They… _I wasn't having fun_ - they sliced - _I remember every day _-and carved - _every one _-and tore at me in ways that you - _SamSamSamSammypleaseSamSampleasesavemegetmeoutofhereplease _-

"Until there was nothing left.

_Sometimes I can still hear myself scream._

"And then suddenly - _everything would stop_ - I would be whole again - _the pain, the screams, the agony_ - like magic - _I could breathe for a moment_ - just so that they could start it all over - _because it was never over._

"And Alistair - _'You know'_ - at the end of every day - _'I hear Sam's been at the crossroads'_ - every one - _'again'_ - he would come over - _'looking for a deal'_ - and he would make me an offer - _'to get you out of here'_ - to take me off the rack - _'and it seems like he doesn't take 'no' for an answer.'_ - if I put souls on. _'You know what I want.'_ - If I started the torture. - _'You know how to save him.'_ - And everyday - _'It only takes one word'_ - I told him - _'just this one little word'_ - to stick it where the sun shines. -_ 'You know he's trying to trade places with you,'_ - For thirty years - _'offering his soul to suffer instead of you' _- I told him. - _'because that's what brother's do.' _But then - _'Isn't it?'_

"I couldn't do it anymore,

'_And maybe… just maybe I should __make that deal with him.'_

Sammy,

'_Bring him down here so you can have your __life back and live happily ever after.'_

I couldn't…

'_Wouldn't you like that?'_

"And I got off that rack - _because_ - God help me - _there is no way_ - I got right off that rack - _there's just no way I'd ever_ - and I started ripping them apart - _let him_ - I lost count of how many souls - _do that_ - the things that I did to them…" - _to you_.

"Dean… Dean, look, you held on for thirty years, that's longer than anyone would have."

_Ye__ah, maybe. But it wasn't enough._

"How I feel? This… inside me…

_It just wasn't enough._

"I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel

a

damn

thing…"


End file.
